


Proof

by samidha



Series: S3-04 Hiatus and S4 Reactions and Sundry [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bobby Singer's Panic Room, Comment Fic, Episode Related, Episode: s04e22 Lucifer Rising, Flashbacks, Gen, H/C Meme Fill, I Wrote More Than One Coda to this episode, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-20
Updated: 2009-05-20
Packaged: 2018-12-14 01:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11773035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/samidha
Summary: Sam's second round of withdrawal.





	Proof

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Homecoming](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772987) by [samidha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/samidha). 



Sam's burning up from the inside out, caught in a sudden rush of _need_ , and the first thought that he has is _Ruby_ and he wants to throw up. But Dean hasn't met his eyes since they ran from the church _Gotta regroup, that's all, gotta have a plan._ Dean isn't looking at him and Sam can't look at Dean.

Dean thinks Sam's a monster, he said it. Sam can't blame him, not anymore. He can't place the blame on Dean, he can't call Dean weak. He thinks about those words coming from him, dropping into the air between them and filled with so much scorn and rage and he wishes it hadn't been him that said them. He wishes he could blame the blood.

_You had it in you the whole time._

Sam lets the pain rip through him, takes it in this time like an old friend. This is Sam's proof, proof of everything he's always known deep down.

Sam's done trying not to be the freak. He won't beg Dean to see him as something else. Not this time. He chose this, and the consequences have been too long coming for him.

Sam starts to shake and he just hopes Dean won't look over at him, won't give him anything. Dean can't put Sam out of his misery, not even with a bullet between the eyes.

There's only one place Sam can hope to go when that shot's fired--if there even is somewhere to go after what Sam's done.

Sam deserves this, riding in the car with the brother who loved him once, wants him dead now but can't bring himself to give Sam that out. That has to be why Dean's doing this, driving Ruby's _fucking_ car, the car with the devil's trap inside the trunk, bits of the nurse's hair clinging to the lines of it.

"How long?" Sam asks, and he thinks suddenly of sitting with Dean when he asked this question before, _How long'd you get?_ , and the frantic beat of his pulse in his ears as he realized that he had damned his brother.

This is worse. Of course it is. Sam's damned the fucking _world_.

_It had to be you. It always had to be you._

"How long what, Sam? Before hell's risen and we all fry? I dunno, I never got a fucking instruction manual for the apocalypse."

Then Sam knows why Dean isn't about to kill him. Dean doesn't have to do it. He only has to wait.

"Oh." Sam feels himself burning from the inside out and he sinks into it, thinks it's probably a fitting way to pass the time.

"If you think the angels were really all that into me knowing--then you-- Sam?"

Sam should say something. He owes Dean an answer when his brother looks him in the eyes like that. But he opens his mouth and he knows that what comes out isn't speech. His vision swims and the world tips.

And everything goes still. Sam's shaking like he's ripping apart but everything else is still.

A shadow falls over him and he thinks it must be Dean, it feels like Dean, his familiar frame leaning over Sam where Sam's slumped in his seat. He tries to pull away, flashing on the Dean who was with him in the panic room. Sam knows he's weak to be afraid of that after all he's done but it rises up inside him anyway.

Sam's only hope is maybe Dean will get tired of him before too much more of a second round of the withdrawal.

It's going to kill him, but it'll be slow.

"Jesus. Sammy. No! Fuck! I just got you... I just fucking got you back!"

It doesn't make any sense, but Sam knows that voice, knows the fear mingling with the anger, knows the sound of fear winning out.

_Dean, don't. Don't do this now. Just let me go._

"You've got to stay-- Just stay with me, Sam. I can't-- I'll do anything. I'll be right here. Just--"

The pain crests and Sam knows he won't be conscious much longer, but he isn't afraid. He hears Dean, his Dean, saying he won't leave Sam, and he wills himself to trust that.

Maybe it isn't real, but it's the last thing Sam hears before he slips into the dark.

He'll wake up again--he always does--and he'll see which Dean is there to greet him then.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was: a second round of withdrawal for Sam maybe where Dean finds out about hallucination Dean. I took this in my own direction in a way.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Homecoming](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772987) by [samidha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samidha/pseuds/samidha)




End file.
